Teetotal Talker Pillows

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

A Guilty Conscience.

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Overdoing It.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

Alcoholics Antonymous

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

A Volunteer Review

"Dry January?"