Teetotaling Pillows

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"I'm celebrating one year of abstinence from alcohol."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

Corn and Bunion plants.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

A Guilty Conscience.

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'