Teetotalism Pillows

"Dry January?"

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

A Volunteer Review

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

A Guilty Conscience.

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

Overdoing It.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Alcoholics Antonymous

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."