Comedy Teetotaler Gifts

"You talkin' to me?"

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

The Janopause

"It's shrinkflation!"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

A Guilty Conscience.

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

Overdoing It.

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'I'm a teetotaler.'

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'