Comedy Teetotaler Mugs

"You talkin' to me?"

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

The Janopause

"It's shrinkflation!"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

A Guilty Conscience.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

Overdoing It.

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

A Volunteer Review

"Dry January?"

'I overheard you say that you have been sober for 10 years... Me to!'