Teetotalers Gifts

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

A Guilty Conscience.

Overdoing It.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Your tweets are Hemingwayesque."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

A Volunteer Review

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

"Dry January?"

'I overheard you say that you have been sober for 10 years... Me to!'