Teetotalers Gifts

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

The Janopause

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

A Guilty Conscience.

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

"Your tweets are Hemingwayesque."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

A Volunteer Review

"Dry January?"

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."