Teetotaler Gifts

A Guilty Conscience.

'I overheard you say that you have been sober for 10 years... Me to!'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

Evils of Alcohol

Overdoing It.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'New Barbeque.'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

The Janopause

"You talkin' to me?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Your tweets are Hemingwayesque."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

A Volunteer Review

"Dry January?"