Teetotaler Humorist Gifts

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'New Barbeque.'

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

The Rural Bidet...

"Looks like Billy clogged up the toilet again."

Moon's Portaloo.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

The Janopause

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

"Take me to your toilet."

Prehistoric Graffito

Scot's beer.

The Puppet Poop

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

School of Comparative Anatomy

Clumping and Non-Clumping Cat Litter

In Agatha Christie's bathroom.

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Sanitized for your protection.'

'Someday, son, this can be all yours.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Drink kills.