Teenager Milestone Gifts

Net Bubbie

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

Social Networking.

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"It makes you look old."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Sparkler

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

Eagle parenting.

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Your dad wouldn't let you borrow the car tonight?'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'That was quite a birthday party - we played full-contact spin-the-bottle.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'And where have you been all day young lady? Your mother and I have been worried sick!'

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"