Teenage Milestones Gifts

'And where have you been all day young lady? Your mother and I have been worried sick!'

"You treat this house like a hotel!"

"Yes, daddy, we're almost to the driveway...No, Daddy, Tommy hasn't tried anything yet!"

"Heavy date tonight, Pop! Heh heh. Wonder if I can borrow the antlers?"

"Flippin' eck Mandy, don't your parents ever go to bed?"

Scooter Romance

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

Sugar And Spice And Full On Drama

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Social Networking.

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

Eagle parenting.

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Sparkler

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi