Teenage Years Gifts

The last family vacation

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I think she's found a spot on her chin."

"Don't worry, son. You're just at that awkward age."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

"I'm pretty sure it's because we want the kind of girl...who doesn't want anything to do with guys like us."

"Maybe my standards are too high. I'm just looking for the perfect girl."

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi

"Yeah, I've noticed it too: Young Master's smell has changed a lot since he's become a teenager..."

'You're wrong when you say that I couldn't give two hoots. Actually I couldn't even give one...'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"It's great! Dad's gonna hate it!"

'Son, this is how we shave - take a clam shell, sharpen it with a rock...'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Wordplay: Hibernation.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"He's gone goth"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"