Teenage Child Gifts

"How am I supposed to think about consequences before they happen?"

'When is the world going to realize that we know everything?!'

'What makes you think I'm not listening?'

'This one holds 1200 songs AND it automatically screens out all the ones your parents could stand.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"The thing is, I've grown and you haven't."

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight, Jessica dear!'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'But you told me to go out and get some fresh air.'

Dad hands over money to young son who says: 'If it helps, Dad, try to think of it as quantitative easing.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'I just think everyone in the family should have the same rights and privileges.'

'You kids have it easy with your iPod and cell phone distractions. I had to look at the wall as I drove into it.'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

'Wait, son...you can't go out like that! You forgot to dot your I.'

'Now don't complain Mum: You started it by giving me my first nose-ring...'

'OK, so he's not praying to God but at least he's taking an interest in religion.'

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"I'm spending the day with my aging parents."

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

The Facts of Life

'Yes, I did use drugs when I was your age, but they were all acne medications.'

'Hello Childline... my parents just don't rock.'

'It's been rough at my house since my parents go on the same page about me.'

'It's over, Kevin - Mum and Dad approve of you!'

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

"Before you take my phone away, can I tweet that you're taking my phone away?"

"My salary market survey reveals that the Nelsons pay two dollars an hour more than you, and their kids are much easier to babysit."

"I don't mind them sending me to my room, but then they shut down my wifi."

"We used to get money from the Tooth Fairy. How come there isn't a Zit Fairy?"

"I'm proud of you...you're reaching that age where you're thinking about the future...you're making decisions about your life, what you want to do, what you want to be..."

"This job is way too hard! Crazy customer...rude suppliers...kids who mess up displays...and all we get is $5.15 an hour! It's nothing but sheer exploitation of hard-working American teenagers!"

"Self-isolation used to be fun when it was my decision."

Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.