Teenage Crush Humorist Gifts

"Look what Sylvia Sanchez wrote in my yearbook! I didn't know I was so special to her!"

"He's an indoor cat."

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"Do you really think this will work?"

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

'Just where do you expect me to sleep? Your closet's full of junk and have you looked under your bed lately?'

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

"This is the dumbest idea ever! I'm just gonna call Estella and ask her what's up."

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"I can't wait till I'm old enough to hold my nose and vote."

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

'My lab partner wants a prenuptial agreement!'

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

"If he wags his tail, it's a 'Like'."

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'