Teen Tactics Gifts

"You're late. It's past your curfew."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"He's gone goth"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

I rule by fear.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

Carlo Ancelotti

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

The Use of Cavalry

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

Funny Farm

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

Cot Escape.