Teen Preparation Gifts

"I want to be prepared for my teen years,so I want to practice being mouthy and moody now."

"He's gone goth"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

Funny Farm

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

'What does the word ‘Face' mean in this sentence: 'He was only trying to save face.' A) The front of the head. B)To look at something. C) The surface of a solid. D) Dignity.

Students renaming 'in' and 'out' trays with 'shake it all about'.

Is it true kids your age lie 14 times a day? That's outrageous! Yeah, mom. It's sooo off. Good to hear! 14 seems high to me. 8 sounds right.

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"Last night my mom made us watch an old comedy with cary grant. He's funny, but he's no Adam Sandler."

'By the time I was your age , I'd already run away from home TWICE!'

Potential Into Kinetic Energy Conversion Method #18

"Cool game!"