School Prepper Gifts

'I brought some props into the living room to help Connor get mentally prepared for going back to school next week,'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Prepper Dog

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Always be prepared."

"I try to get a head start on them."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

How to survive the coming crash.

Climate Change Contingency House

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"We're running late. Just pick a facial expression already."

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

Final Exams Today

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"I like to see a man who's prepared, Remson!"

Safe harbour

Back to School.

'I like to puree before I crunch the numbers.'

"OPEC tighten the screws. the Larned A. Corys are ready."

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

"I didn't go anywhere this summer. I was home-camped."

"Gracie, you do not need a cell phone. Little girls like you don't get important phone calls."

After the party the Millers return to their underground lair.