Test Prepper Gifts

'I hope it's not a matching test. I have trouble with matching tests.'

Exam

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

'I really crammed last night.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

Nervous Oral Testing

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Examinations.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Prepper Dog

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Disasters

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

I downloaded some SAT practice tests. I'll time you. Ok. Ready. "If Ann spends every day obsessing over stupid tests,

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"Always be prepared."

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

How to survive the coming crash.