School Preppers Gifts

"No fair! How come Baldo gets his class schedule before school starts?"

'Holly, listen to me. This school year is important. . . It's your last year before high school! You have to prepare! High school is a whole new ball game.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Prepper Dog

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Always be prepared."

How to survive the coming crash.

"I try to get a head start on them."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Climate Change Contingency House

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"I like to see a man who's prepared, Remson!"

"We're running late. Just pick a facial expression already."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

Safe harbour

Back to School.

'Mom, I now know the biological reason we're pregnant for 9 months. It takes at least that long to get used to the idea of being a parent.'

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

"OPEC tighten the screws. the Larned A. Corys are ready."

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe

After the party the Millers return to their underground lair.

"I didn't go anywhere this summer. I was home-camped."