Teen Realist Gifts

Merry Crisis and Happy New Fear.

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"So what's your definition of 'love'?"

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

Rural Cityscape

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

"Keep going, Jason! You're passing my dad's first test."

"IRL sucks."

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

"He's growing up too fast. Instead of hearing a fairytale, he wants to know about rights in the workplace."

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

"And if things don't work out in the big city, Cindy, you can always come back home to me and Mom and our nightmare descent into booze and pills."

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

"Actually, this article says being single isn't so bad. Being single is 'crucial to who you are, what you like and what you want.'"