Teen Realist Pillows

Merry Crisis and Happy New Fear.

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"So what's your definition of 'love'?"

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Rural Cityscape

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

"IRL sucks."

"He's growing up too fast. Instead of hearing a fairytale, he wants to know about rights in the workplace."

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

"And if things don't work out in the big city, Cindy, you can always come back home to me and Mom and our nightmare descent into booze and pills."

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

"Actually, this article says being single isn't so bad. Being single is 'crucial to who you are, what you like and what you want.'"

"I did a lot of thinking in study hall today."