Teen Pregnancy Gifts

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

Teen Pregnancies.

'Who I Did Last Summer.'

'I think she's having labour pains.'

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"He's gone goth"

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"It's called, 'Goth'."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Rapunzel's gone punk."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'This is suppose to be progress.'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

'More hair than brains.'

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"How was prom?"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'His dad was!'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

Spring Break.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.