Mother To Teen Gifts

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"How was prom?"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Spring Break.

'We've created a teenager!'

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

Intermediate Slouching.

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'He said he can't put his love for me into words because it exceeds the 140 characters allowed in a tweet.'

'Uranus!'

"Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!"

Teenage Yoda

May 2004: Crack of 4:00 AM / May 2020: Crack of 4:00 PM

The swamp of adolescence

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"I don't think so, Ted!"

'Can you speak up? I can't hear anything over my music!'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

The surrendered mom

"This is the time of year we give thanks for all we have."

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

Babies holding up 'Happy Mother's Day' sign in maternity ward

"You'd better put that phone down before you walk into a wall."

"I'm bored. I think I'll post something online that destroys my career prospects."

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"Maybe we should send her to finishing school!"

"Son, we're concerned about your partying."

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."