Teen Daughter Gifts

'He said he can't put his love for me into words because it exceeds the 140 characters allowed in a tweet.'

"How was prom?"

"Little bastard played you like a video game."

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

"What? You said you wanted me to get the stain out of Dad's shirt...it's out, isn't it?"

'Can you speak up? I can't hear anything over my music!'

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

Intermediate Slouching.

'I'm living in a soap opera!'

"Did you know the ancient Maya predicted that the world would end in 2012?"

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

"According to the lunar calendar, it's safe to sneak out and party on Monday night: our dads will be out howling at the moon..."

"And if you get me a car for my birthday, daddy, it will make up for the pony I never got when I was nine!"

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Robot Parts $5

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Butterfly Woman

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Skipping Horse

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Remote control pirate bully

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"