Teen Niece Gifts

"Sure, Dad, I'll get right on my homework. Soon as I email Stacy, Oh, and I have to text Julie, Sara, and Toni. Oh, and I have to post today's pictures on my blog, and. . ."

'Vocabulary doesn't seem that hard 'til you start trying to use it on girls.'

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

'I don't care if all your friends are doing it. Your piercings are really starting to freak out your mom and me.'

Born to Hug

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

'My parents think I never listen.'

"Okay lets go. You can message your friends after dinner."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Robot Parts $5

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Skipping Horse

Remote control pirate bully

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

At the Museum

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'