Niece Gifts

"But, remember, you're responsible for your own happiness."

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

Child with a junior chemistry set in the complaints department.

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'I really crammed last night.'

"Forget lemonade. The real money's in bottled water."

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

'I'm afraid I still have more questions than answers.'

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

"'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' by Lilia Anya, all rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this essay or portions thereof in any form whatsoever, including, but not limited to, novel, screenplay, musical, television miniseries, home vid

'This test doesn't understand me.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

"Before I read about my summer vacation, I'd like to ask that all pagers, beepers, and cell phones be turned off."

Homework Done and Homework Eaten Stands.

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Child puts his finger in a dam to prevent it flooding.

The Victors

'True, we have encouraged you to use your imagination, but not in math.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'I'm good or bad depending on the circumstances, the situation, and the people involved.'

'I can't afford to absorb the overhead anymore!'

'This should increase our business.'

'I can't read but I have excellent tv viewing skills.'

'Swing?! I'll drop my handheld!'