Niece/nephew Gifts

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

Waiting for the results.

"Just what I wanted."

'I couldn't do my homework because my pocket calculator had a nervous breakdown.'

Happy Halloween!

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

List 4 types of bears: Grizzle, Brown, Polar, Chicago.

'Hey! We can play Scrabble while we eat!'

"Tia Carmen, what can you tell me about the birds and the bees?"

"I should've asked for a snow machine for Christmas."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Young Frankenstein"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Robot Parts $5

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Skipping Horse

Remote control pirate bully

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

At the Museum

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"