Nephew Gifts

"First of all, this conversation never happened."

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

"But, remember, you're responsible for your own happiness."

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

Child with a junior chemistry set in the complaints department.

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'I really crammed last night.'

"Forget lemonade. The real money's in bottled water."

'When I ask what our inventory is 'What ever' is not an acceptable answer.'

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

'I'm afraid I still have more questions than answers.'

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' by Lilia Anya, all rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this essay or portions thereof in any form whatsoever, including, but not limited to, novel, screenplay, musical, television miniseries, home vid

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Homework Done and Homework Eaten Stands.

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

The Victors

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'