Teen Dating Humorist Gifts

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

Hoody Woodpecker.

First Date

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

He's Tasty!

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Chameleon in a bar.

Good study habits based on honesty will serve you well all your life! Employers look for trustworthy people who don't cheat! Values Assembly. Who's she talking about? It sure doesn't apply to me. I'm going to be a hedge fund manager. Yeah? Well, I'm headed to Hollywood!

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"He's handsome. I wonder how he tastes?"

"What's wrong with you? Just call her John! Just pick up the phone and dial!"

"Gosh, she's sexy!"

'Five minutes into date 1 and my dog has already booked date 2. . .'

'Believe me -- there's nothing worse than a clingy Klingon!'