Tech-savvy Mobster Gifts

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

Halloween Selfie

Computer operator welding machine.

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

"We're in a dying industry, and you're just sitting there! Well, I'm going to do something about it-I'm starting a Web site."

Businessman has in/out boxes labeled 'OPS' and APPS.'

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

Internet Shoplifting

This Cave Updated Daily.

"Buy my data $20"

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'I've deleted my on-line homework teacher three times but he won't go away.'

"Since we became a paperless workplace, it's harder to keep track of how much work Ziegler is actually doing!"

"We don't bury treasure anymore - it's all in bitcoin."

"You mean you leaked his password because he uses my name as his password instead of yours?"

"Larry, can you take over the meeting for a minute? My doctor is insisting I take a few deep breaths."

Rationalization

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'That brush - how many dpi?'

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

'A computer virus ate my homework.'

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."