Teasing Talent Show Enthusiast Gifts

Banana striptease...

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

The Ox Factor

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

"She doesn’t fetch or roll over or anything really, but she’s a terrific whistler."

"We started with fetch and heel, but we've moved on to impasto and chiaroscuro."

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Each one of you will to sing your job creation and tax plans. . . the 'American Idle' will vote for 'the American President'.'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

Your brother's just teasing you, dear - I'm sure he didn't lick every one of them.

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'You call that carol singing?'

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

'My mum can play the piano by ear.'

"I didn’t know you could play."

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."

'My client was goaded into committing the crime, Your Honor -- he pleads not guilty by reason of teasin'.'