Tax Jokester Gifts

'I'm with the I.R.S. you had better report this as income.'

Best friends: death and taxes.

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

'Well, the joke's on you -- I don't HAVE $873.91.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."