Tax Filing Jokester Gifts

'I keep all my receipts for tax purposes...'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

Tax relief

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."