Tavern Tale Teller Gifts

Why must you have "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" on the jukebox? A lot of people complained that "Happy Hour" was too happy.

That there's some real online poker.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Horror Stories.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

'You've had enough!'

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

Joe's Bar, Get the Full Beer Experience.

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

"You look good for your age."

The giraffe-tamer.

My tail's cold.

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

Little Red Riding Hood

If you think you have caught a record fish...make sure you have a witness...

"You consistently lied about the size of the fish you caught. Well....we've all done that."

Tall tales, short stories

Father imagining son with fish