Tavern Tales Aficionado Gifts

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Fishing Tales

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

A Salmon Lie

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'You've had enough!'

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

"You look good for your age."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

"This is your great-great-uncle Enchilmo Ladas. We called him 'Enchi' for short."

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

A Tale of the Sea

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

'Women don't simply believe everything we hear, you know.' - 'But that does not stop you repeating it.'

William Wallace.

Fisherman catches the Big Fish

"You must be the new barmaid."

"You've been exaggerating again, haven't you?"

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'