Tavern Tales Fan Gifts

"You look good for your age."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'The Moving Finger Writes; And, Having Writ, Moves On To A Three Week, Twenty City Book Tour.'

'You've had enough!'

Circus trousers

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

"You must be the new barmaid."

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

Hugh - From Barnaby Rudge

"Go on, Van Helsing, make my night!"

'You just grew three inches.'

Shanahan's

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

Child In A Bar.

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

I have to tell you: I preferred "buy one, get one free" night. Tuesday is "tall bartender, short bar stool" night.

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

Man leaving the tavern and realising he is late for dinner

'I used to do a lot of business over the phone, but as soon as Caller ID came along...'

Al's Bar, All You Can Drink $375.

God sees his doppelganger in the toiletries aisle.

"I have a female landlubber in every port."

'Oh, one of those tough guys with a mustache, eh?'

'How many experience points do I have? — I'm not that kind of girl!'

Joe's Bar, not for Sissies. Sissies, try Bruce's bar around the corner.

'Old McAllister is a real crank -- he has a conspiracy theory about Tom Bodett.'

Why must you have "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" on the jukebox? A lot of people complained that "Happy Hour" was too happy.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero