Lovers Of Tavern Tales Gifts

"You must be the new barmaid."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Long Johns Silver."

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

Finding Bigfoot

"No, let down your hair!"

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

'You've had enough!'

"You look good for your age."

Might Versus Right.

David Anderson vs. Goliath

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'

Shanahan's

"He's really gone uphill, hasn't he?"

'I still don't believe any of that bunk your friend was giving us about hypnosis.'

Child In A Bar.

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

Three wise men on a medal podium.

Why must you have "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" on the jukebox? A lot of people complained that "Happy Hour" was too happy.

"The left rear has nice eyes."

'Old McAllister is a real crank -- he has a conspiracy theory about Tom Bodett.'

'Oh, one of those tough guys with a mustache, eh?'

T-Rex Basketball

Man and lady at a dance

Genetically enhanced height

'Good evening. I'm the scary person who'll be hiding under your son's bed tonight!'

'Well, technically, Eugene, we're not under the mistletoe...'

Rumor has it that he left his heart in San Francisco.

Edward the Overtall

"Tell me again how you were the first person to come out of the trees and live in a cave."

He came off as being friendly, in a wooden kind of way.

'So you fall behind the tortoise in the 2nd lap. I don't care if you sleep, trip, have a brain haemorrhage. Just make it look real. You fall behind, bunny. Got it?'

'Not you again. I thought you would've learned your lesson the last time.

That there's some real online poker.

"...and do you, Melissa, promise to wear flats, and only flats, for as long as you both shall live?"