Tarzan Stories Gifts

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

'What clan do you belong to?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Tarzan of the Grapes.

"I've told you before one at each end!"

Joust Sharpener

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

Warrior Woman

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"It's the Environment's Agency's new H.Q."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

Scottish party

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Out of kilter.

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."