Tarzan Lover Gifts

"I'm sorry Tarzan but I think you should know. Everyone thinks you've let yourself go and they're calling you the Lard of the Jungle!"

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

Here be dragons.

"Ours is not a creative clan."

Lady of the bath...

'What clan do you belong to?'

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

"I don't care what you thought you saw,l there are no such things as people"

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

"I miss the Augean stables."

Myths and legends...

Scottish party

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

"Oh, this? Crazy story..."

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Out of kilter.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

'You pulled a sword out of a stone and they made you King? -- is that constitutional?'

Bigfoot tracks...

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"You're awfully tame this evening."

'This it is, Ferguson! Finally, we found the legendary, mysterious snowmen crematory!'

Highland Piper.

Scotsman in the bath...

Sir Lancelot finds the Holy Quail

'It's a bit demoralising when the Sheriff can claim it all back on expenses.'

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."