Talk Show Enthusiast Gifts

Melvyn Bragg.

'In the few minutes remaining, Dr. Nemo, could you briefly give us some idea what you've been talking about for the last hour?'

The Controversial Will

Drivel TV, "Coming up after the break- people who feel compelled to talk absolute crap on television"

'The Supreme Court today upheld a lower court ruling, only to have it overturned by Oprah!'

'Actually, I haven't written it yet, I'm doing the promotional tour first, to see if being an author is the right career move for me!'

'You climbed all the way up here, just to ask about the meaning of life?.. You could have got that from 'The Oprah Winfrey show'!'

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

'That's the famous political pundit? I didn't recognize him with his mouth closed.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

'This is a talk show, buddy -- put the gun down!'

'OK, you want to sue your parents because they raised you in a healthy, happy and loving environment, thereby ruining your chances for ever appearing on 'Oprah.' Correct so far?'

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

'Talk, talk, talk, that's all these people do! - What we need in this country is a bit more action!'

"I'm not raising your allowance!"

"OK, Adam, we'll hear version, right after this commercial break..."

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah's Long Goodbye

'Next on Oprah - dogs who are sick of being stereotyped as man's best friend!'

The Oprah Interview

Speakers who watch too much Oprah

Jerry Springer, happy ending: 'Darling, I confess. I'm a female.' 'Well, this works out- I'm a man!'

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

Larry King

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'How embarrassing. My parents are the only ones on the block who haven't aired their dirty laundry on a TV talk show.'

Graham Norton.

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

Dr Phil meets his match...

Snow White on the Maury Show: 'It started out, Maury, with kisses on their bald heads...'

'Be careful, he enjoys using various tactics to belittle his guests.'

Conan O'Brien

Michael Parkinson.

How to break the news that you're gay, without going on the Jerry Springer Show: 'Honey - I'm Homo!'

'How would you like your very own talk show on cable TV?'