Talk Show Enthusiast Prints

Melvyn Bragg.

'In the few minutes remaining, Dr. Nemo, could you briefly give us some idea what you've been talking about for the last hour?'

The Controversial Will

Drivel TV, "Coming up after the break- people who feel compelled to talk absolute crap on television"

'The Supreme Court today upheld a lower court ruling, only to have it overturned by Oprah!'

'Actually, I haven't written it yet, I'm doing the promotional tour first, to see if being an author is the right career move for me!'

'You climbed all the way up here, just to ask about the meaning of life?.. You could have got that from 'The Oprah Winfrey show'!'

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

'That's the famous political pundit? I didn't recognize him with his mouth closed.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

'This is a talk show, buddy -- put the gun down!'

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

'Talk, talk, talk, that's all these people do! - What we need in this country is a bit more action!'

'Next on Oprah - dogs who are sick of being stereotyped as man's best friend!'

Speakers who watch too much Oprah

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'How embarrassing. My parents are the only ones on the block who haven't aired their dirty laundry on a TV talk show.'

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

Dr Phil meets his match...

Snow White on the Maury Show: 'It started out, Maury, with kisses on their bald heads...'

'Be careful, he enjoys using various tactics to belittle his guests.'

'How would you like your very own talk show on cable TV?'

'I don't trust the government... what if we ask Oprah to bail us out instead?'

I'm told we were once married. Can you tell us what that was like?

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

"Saw you on 'Larry King Live' last night. I liked the way you came right out and admitted you were a pig."

"Neil, here, is a retired Army general who has been on Ted Koppel a lot recently, shooting his mouth off."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Lenny, you've been called the king of sleaze, the biggest jerk in the universe, a big sack of garbage. But tell us: Who's the real Lenny Lewis?"

"So there you were, trapped in a no-future job."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Jerry Springer

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."