Taco Humorist Gifts

'Then you admit you went into the Mexican Restaurant and said to the waitress, 'Baby, I'd like to nibble on your tacos'.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Cat eats date.

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'You've had enough!'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"