Taco Humorist Pillows

'Then you admit you went into the Mexican Restaurant and said to the waitress, 'Baby, I'd like to nibble on your tacos'.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'