Potato Humorist Pillows

Potato Funeral Planning

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Night of the Latkes

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Conference Pears

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"I'm starving! How long will dinner be?"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"