Potato Humor Aficionado Pillows

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Lockdown casserole

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"He refuses to talk and he never listens."

Stupid Microwave

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"We're actually going to grow potatoes on Mars!"

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

'Peel, Spot! Peel!'

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Potatoes. How many would I need to make a bottle of vodka?'

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

The Hypnotato,

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

Mash-test Dummies.

Potato Famine (somebody didn't make enough mashed potatoes)