Potato Pundit Pillows

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"He refuses to talk and he never listens."

Stupid Microwave

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'Peel, Spot! Peel!'

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

"You have such beautiful eyes."

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Potatoes. How many would I need to make a bottle of vodka?'

The Hypnotato,

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Mash-test Dummies.

Potato Famine (somebody didn't make enough mashed potatoes)

Kim Jong Un returns triumphant from his meeting with Putin - holds aloft a single potato.