Potato Critic Pillows

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Stupid Microwave

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"We're actually going to grow potatoes on Mars!"

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'Peel, Spot! Peel!'

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

'Potatoes. How many would I need to make a bottle of vodka?'

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

Spud dating.

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"He likes spending time with his grandpa. Thanks to poor diet and little exercise, they share many of the same health issues."

The Hypnotato,

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Mash-test Dummies.

Kim Jong Un returns triumphant from his meeting with Putin - holds aloft a single potato.

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."