Texan Humorist Gifts

In Texas, Smith and Wesson beats a royal flush.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Cow writer.

Moo! OOM!

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

'Well, so much for our legendary ability to eviscerate cattle with surgical precision...'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

You'll understand after you see him pitch.

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

I've been doing sit-ups!

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

YAAY! Slam dump!

The Cud Food Guide

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

'Serves me right for frowning.'

Feed & Grain. Credit Cards and E-Payments Only. Being a cash cow is tougher than it used to be.

A cow's bedside table.

Shows Bundt