Taboo Tickler Gifts

'Has the old bastard gone to sleep yet?'

Concert Pianist.

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Piano Recital

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

Where baby grand pianos come from.

"I crossed the road, doctor and I loved it!"

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Emmanuel Ax

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

"I am trying to keep it low key."

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."

'No-one can avoid cuts!'

Piano Shop.

Trolley Rage.

Necrophilia Laws Strictly Enforced.

'Keep that dividing down!'

Taboo Parlor Tattoo Parlor

'Kitchy, kitchy, kitchy-koo'

"I've never been so insulted in my life! If my arms could reach, I'd slap your face!"

"I'll see what I can do - Just how ticklish ARE you?"

'No wonder he never forgets. He has a bubble memory with a storage capacity of 360 megabytes.'