Trial Tickler Gifts

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Concert Pianist.

Piano Recital

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

Keyboard player

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

"Smile if you're guilty!"

Where baby grand pianos come from.

Victor Borge.

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

'Perhaps you would like to rephrase your last answer.'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

They're class action figures.

Emmanuel Ax

We, the jury, spy, with our little eye, someone

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Beware of Watchdog.

'Thirty days or thirty dollars? -- Let's see the money first!'

'We the jury find the defendant guilty on the first count, kinda sorta guilty on the second, and guilty as hell on the third.'

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

"I am trying to keep it low key."

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

'Piano Player'

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."