Technology Tickler Gifts

'No wonder he never forgets. He has a bubble memory with a storage capacity of 360 megabytes.'

Self-Quarantine Derangement Syndrom

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'3-D TV Kit'

High speed cinder block

Filling the Missile Gap

Fur Baby

Sistine Selfie

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

Bot Art: After Mary Cassatt

"Before automation how did humans endure work?"

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

"Never marry an engineer."

"I think that's one of those annoying flying drones we've been hearing about!"

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'We're conducting experiments to dertermine which has a longer life, new phone technology, or a fruit fly.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"I'm declawed, but with this headset, I can at least virtually scratch up the furniture."

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Keyboard player

December 17, 1903: We miraculously devise a craft that can transport human beings though the sky. December 18, 1903: We figure out how to use said craft to kill people.

Jack, of Jack and the Bean Stalk genetically breeds jumping beans that can be used to jumpstart batteries.

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Solar car with automatic navigation system, automatically choosing sunny routes.

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'And there is where you put the batteries.'

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."